Hey Internet sisterfriends, plus sized denizens, and lurkers! This is my blog, where I aim to bring all y’all a daily boost of positivity and a little style injection – maybe some small piece of beauty to add, in my own small way, a bit of an antidote to some of the ugly aspects of life that we all run into.
Let me be real with you guys for a hot sec. I’m suffering from major imposter syndrome right now, writing this little bio about myself and what I hope to accomplish with my blog. It’s taken me more than half of my 32 years to learn how to love myself, and it’s been a rocky, often nasty journey. But I’m at a place right now where I can see the beauty not just in myself, but in almost everyone – especially women, and especially women who are survivors of a world that usually treats us like commodities that are worth only our aesthetic value. Let’s be honest – it’s hard for plus sized girls in this society. Women are judged by our looks first, and everyone who doesn’t fit in with society’s warped version of beauty is treated like a second class citizen. The reason it’s taken me 20 years to learn to see myself as beautiful and worthy is that I’ve felt ugly for so long – I’ve longed and yearned for a different body ever since puberty.
And then I encountered the body positivity movement. What a wonderful eye-opener that has been! I’ve met people who see us big, soft women as equally precious and valuable as anyone else, and, over time, it has opened my mind to the same beliefs, said changed my life. And plus sized models and bloggers played an important part in that role. Let me just casually name drop right here – in college I was acquainted with Nicolette Mason. I was on a message board where she was a member, studying fashion at the time where I was studying photography and design. She was a funny, interesting person who I didn’t know too well, but well enough so that when, years later. I opened an issue of Marie Claire and saw her beautiful face, my jaw dropped. A girl who looked like me – in a fashion magazine. It was a key moment in my own personal road to self acceptance, and I don’t think I’ve ever thanked her for it. Representation is so important to people who don’t feel accepted in the world, and I had always felt embarrassed and shy about my love for fashion and makeup and beautiful things. I used to skulk around Anthropologie, unable to afford or fit into anything, just picking up gorgeous dresses and admiring the packaging on their soaps and the worksmanship of their textiles and ceramics. Sometimes I would buy a perfume, or a gorgeous coffee mug, and leave, hating that I couldn’t pile my arms high with soft, lovely shirts and silky, richly hued dresses.
But I began to follow Nicolette’s blog, and other plus size bloggers – all gorgeous women radiating self confidence, style, and sexiness. I started to research stores that sold fashionable clothes in my size, and began, for once, to feel at home and welcome in my big body. My self confidence grew. I learned that I didn’t care for articles about “how to flatter your ________ shaped body”, where women were compared to fruit and given rules about what to wear to minimize their “flaws” and look more attractive to men. I don’t give a fuck about looking attractive to anyone but myself. Because I’m the one that matters.
So fast-forward to the decision to make this blog. I’m working as an art director in the ad world right now, but my secret dream is to be a stylist. Or open a boutique. Or design my own line of intersectional radfem crop tops. And my really secret dream – the one I’ve always kept stored away in the corner of my mind where I keep my sexual fantasies about Mads Mikkelsen and Gillian Anderson and all the memories of truly embarrassing shit I did before I embraced my nerd identity – my secret dream is to be a model, and have rad plus size companies emailing me opportunities to wear beautiful clothing, and, this is the key part, I want to be someone who speaks in a voice that awkward, shy, self-loathing girls can relate to, and I want to reach out and give them all a big hug and tell them they’re beautiful and strong, and that it takes awhile, but eventually you can tune out the bullshit negative voices inside and outside you, and really listen to what’s important – how to care for yourself and empower yourself and overcome anything that threatens to bring you down.
Mostly I’m gonna be talking about clothes and makeup and pretty things, though. Because for me, savouring the beauty in this world is the best form of self care. When I’m in a rotten mood, it always makes me feel better to watch a Lisa Eldridge makeup tutorial and spend an hour playing with eyeshadow and doing a fancy Pinterest nail art tutorial. Going online and looking at the newest arrivals at Eloquii and ASOS lifts my spirits. As does making scented candles or reading one of my favorite bloggers or watching Steven Universe.
But this isn’t really a blog about cartoons or perfumery (although perfumes will be discussed). It’s a blog about style in all of its glorious facets. It’s a blog by one sexy fat girl, for all the other sexy fat girls out there. Hi guys! I love you all. You are special. Now I don’t have an email list yet, but when I do, you should sign up for exclusive content including free body posi printable posters and coupons for some of the rad merch in my store (including crop tops!)
Now that we’ve officially met, here’s a picture of me eating cotton candy.